The beginning continues ...

and this week has just been a haze of emotions - FEAR being the main one! Baby is only 5 weeks old and already I'm in a state of panic! Is this what to expect from fatherhood - oh boy! It's strange the things that I'm worried about, coupled with the fact that I can't even see it! What will I be like when I can see the baby? Falling off a bike? Knocking his head on a table corner? Running into a wall?? Going on a date (OH DEAR!!!!!!!)

The reality that he/she is on their way is beginning to set in. I find myself day-dreaming about the most bizarre things. What if her head is too big for her body? What if I don't know what to do with her when she arrives and land up forgetting her on the roof of the car? What if Boo (the dog we love to hate) doesn't like her? What if I suck at this? What if ...

But at the moment, while I sit and type this, I'm really scared he/she doesn't make it. The term used is "we might lose him ..." What's with that? I lose money and car keys and my cellphone! But there it is, I'm scared we might lose him. And so, both L and I stalk around the topic, and try not to get too excited, and all the while I think we just want to shout it from the roof-tops. To say "To hell with all of it! We're having a baby." But we can't, you see. We might lose him!

Please understand that it's the most frightening prospect of this whole experience. We really want a baby! And in the middle of it all, I know that the fear that sits in the pit of my stomach, is real love. Love for L - I don't want to see her get hurt! Love for the child-to-be! Love for a God who decided this experience, with us together, would be the best for all. He loves us that much and he knows every feeling and emotion we are experiencing and all I hear him saying is "Everything's gonna be alright, rockabye." (Shaun Mullins - but I think He likes it too).

I got a picture of the baby from the net ... it's not too pretty, but I'm sure he'll fill out soon enough -

See, I told you it wasn't pretty. Tomorrow L and I have been married for 5 years and I still consider myself the luckiest guy! She loves me so much and I love her just the same - what more could I want in life! So we're going away for the night and who knows, there could be a little brother/sister soon. Oh wait, maybe that's not possible right now! Oh well, let's see, shall we.
What I learnt this week:
Fear's normal. Being afraid is what makes us feel and makes us human! But love ... Well love just about conquers all!